— [Musnad (no.25120)]
— [Musnad (no.25120)]
‘Abd al-Malik (radhiAllahu ‘anhu) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:
‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.”
[Source: Jamharah Khutah al-‘Arab, 1/145]
— Allaamah as- Sa’dee (may Allaah have mercy on him) [Taysir pg.639]
Is it obligatory upon the wife to serve her husband in the customary matters like preparing the food and straightening up the house and so forth?
Shaykh ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“The scholars have disputed as to whether it is upon her to serve him in the likes of the bedding of the home, and bringing the food, the drink and the bread and the crackers, and preparing food for his servants and his livestock animals, like giving fodder to his riding animal and so forth. So from among them there are those who said, “It is not obligatory for her to serve him,” and this opinion is weak. Just like the weakness of the statement of the one who says, “It is not obligatory as a part of his living with her (his wife) that he has sex with her.” For verily this is not him living with her in a good way. Rather, the companion on the journey who is the associate of the person and his companion in living quarters, if he does not assist him in that which is beneficial then he has not accompanied him in a good manner. And it has also been said – and this is what is correct – that it is obligatory for her to serve him. For verily the husband is her Sayyid (master or leader) in the Book of Allah (i.e. according to the Qur’an), and she is his helper with him according to the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). And it is obligatory upon the helper and the slave to serve (their master or leader), because that is goodness.
Then from among these scholars are those who said, “Easy service to him is obligatory upon her (i.e. in light matters).” And from among them there are those who said, “It is obligatory for her to serve him in that which is good.” And this is what is correct (i.e. this last opinion). Thus, it is obligatory upon her to serve him in the good service that is customary from the likes of her for the likes of him. And this varies with the various situations. Thus, the service of the bedouin woman is not like the service of the city woman, and the service of the strong woman is not like the service of the weak woman.”
[Source: Ibn Taymiyyah | Majmoo’ ul-Fataawaa, Vol. 34, 90-91]
— Ibn al-Uthaymeen (az-Zawj, pg.19)
— Shaykh Raaslan [Mu’asharah an-Nisa]
What stance should the Salafis have for the feminist movements we have nowadays? Is it correct to say that feminism and Islam go hand in hand, as some “Muslim feminists” proclaim?
Answer:Nowadays, many people understand that feminism gives women the freedom to be treated as equals to men in the society, by having the right to work, drive and live like men. Hence, they mock Islaam and its teachings, by saying that Islaam oppresses a woman by restricting her freedom in matters of her life.
Bismillaahi wassalatu wassalaamu alaa rasoolillahi amma ba’ad
For this reason, the feminists want the Muslim women to listen to their worthless call, one which ends up in Ikthilaat (free-mixing between genders), rape, abortion, prostitution and the likes of these disastrous evils that has struck many parts of the world.
As a matter of fact, feminism oppresses the women because they are forced to take the same burden as the men, if not higher, although Allaah سبحانه و تعالى did not give the women the same ability as the man as in the following evidences, from the Kitaab (The Book).
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc)”
(Surah an-Nisa’ (4), Aayah 34)
And the Sunnah as in the Hadith of Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri:عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ الْخُدْرِيِّ، قَالَ خَرَجَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي أَضْحًى ـ أَوْ فِطْرٍ ـ إِلَى الْمُصَلَّى، فَمَرَّ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ فَقَالَ ” يَا مَعْشَرَ النِّسَاءِ تَصَدَّقْنَ، فَإِنِّي أُرِيتُكُنَّ أَكْثَرَ أَهْلِ النَّارِ ”. فَقُلْنَ وَبِمَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ ” تُكْثِرْنَ اللَّعْنَ، وَتَكْفُرْنَ الْعَشِيرَ، مَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْ نَاقِصَاتِ عَقْلٍ وَدِينٍ أَذْهَبَ لِلُبِّ الرَّجُلِ الْحَازِمِ مِنْ إِحْدَاكُنَّ ”. قُلْنَ وَمَا نُقْصَانُ دِينِنَا وَعَقْلِنَا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ ” أَلَيْسَ شَهَادَةُ الْمَرْأَةِ مِثْلَ نِصْفِ شَهَادَةِ الرَّجُلِ ”. قُلْنَ بَلَى. قَالَ ” فَذَلِكَ مِنْ نُقْصَانِ عَقْلِهَا، أَلَيْسَ إِذَا حَاضَتْ لَمْ تُصَلِّ وَلَمْ تَصُمْ ”. قُلْنَ بَلَى. قَالَ ” فَذَلِكَ مِنْ نُقْصَانِ دِينِهَا
Once Allah’s Apostle went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) o `Id-al-Adha or Al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, “O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women).” They asked, “Why is it so, O Allah’s Apostle ?” He replied, “You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intellect and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.” The women asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is deficient in our intellect and religion?” He said, “Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?” They replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her intellect. Isn’t it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?” The women replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her religion.”
[Sahih al Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 6, Hadith 301]
From some of the many evils of feminism is encouraging women to mix freely with men, and for women to compromise their chastity and modesty by taking off their veils, and giving the woman the right to divorce her husband whenever she wants or chooses to and numerous other evils. All of this causes such common situations as is seen in the West nowadays, where nearly every marriage ends up in divorce and where almost every young girl has lost her virginity because of Zinaa (adultery). The statistics are alarming and the root causes for these, are such evil ideologies such as women’s rights, feminism and the likes.
All of this shows us that Islaam does not go hand in hand with feminism. Those activists who support and fight for such ideologies want our Muslim women to be cheated in every way and lose her dignity and respect just like what has happened to their women, who have become as cheap a commodity as cigarettes. Hence, they also lead the children astray by taking the mother away from the home, by giving her such unwanted rights.
Allaah enjoins that which gives every human being, that which he or she is entitled or is able to do and this is called Al-Adl (justice), as Allaah says in the following verse:إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ“Verily, Allah enjoins Al-Adl….”
(Surah an-Nahl (16), Aayah 90)
and He does not enjoin equality of the sexes as He has created one to excel over the other, as stated in the aforementioned verse of Surah an-Nisa.
Wallaahu ta’ala A’lam
Answered by Ahmad Banajah
Transcribed by Abu Abdillaah Muhammad Rifkhan
1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.)
2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.
4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.
5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.
6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.
7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.
9. And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn’t find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.
10. Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.
11. Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife’s easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.
12. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
13. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).
14. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
15. The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.
16. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
17. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.
18. Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.
19. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.
20. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.
21. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.
22. Guardianship of your wife doesn’t mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.
23. Showing respect and kindness to your wife’s family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
24. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.
25. Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.
26. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.
27. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
28. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.
29. There is nothing in the obligation of a woman’s service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses.