Ibn-ul-Qayyim: Love towards wives is not negative. On the contrary, it is a gift from Allah. (ad-Da’, p. 281)
Narrated Al-Aswad bin Yazid (radiAllaahu ‘anhu): I asked ‘Aisha
“What did the Prophet use to do at home?” She said, “He used to work for his family, and when he heard the Adhan (call for the prayer), he would go out.”
— [Saheeh Bukhari Vol. 7, No. 276]
The righteous woman will remain in the company of her husband if he is a righteous man for many years. She is the enjoyment that the Messenger of Allaah (sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam) spoke about, ((This world is only enjoyment, and the best of its enjoyment is a righteous believing woman. If you look towards her, she amazes you; if you encourage her with something. She obeys you; if you are absent from her, she preserves you within herself and your wealth.))
A righteous woman is what the Prophet (sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam) ordered with in his statement when the Muhaajiroon asked him, What type of wealth should we acquire?
He replied, ((a tongue that is in constant remembrance, a heart which is grateful or a righteous woman who helps you in your Faith.))
Love and mercy that Allaah has blessed her with through His Book emanates from her. So sometimes the pain of separation (divorce) is more severe upon her than death, it is more severe than the disappearance of wealth and more severe upon her than leaving her country. More so when there exists a [deep] relationship between each other or if they have children who will be ruined and their situation destroyed if the husband and wife separate.
 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr; Collected by Muslim
 Narrated by Thawbaan; Collected by at-Tirmidhee
By Shaykh Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee (hafidhaullaah)
If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e, he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…
So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.
Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.
Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.
In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.
If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.
[Taken From “20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage”, p. 26-27]
Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) in which he explains the motives and causes of love, and how these vary among people.
He (may Allaah have mercy on him) says:
“Compatibility between souls is one of the strongest causes of love. Every person is attracted towards that which is compatible with him, and this compatibility is of two types: original compatibility which is ingrained in the essence and that which comes later because of living together or having something in common.
If your aims match his aims, there will be harmony between your soul and his, but if the aims are different, then harmony will no longer exist.
As for original compatibility, it is a kind of similarity in attitude and similarity of souls. Each soul longs for other souls that are similar to it, because what is similar to something is naturally attracted to it, so the two souls may be similar in original creation, thus there will be a natural attraction to one another.
This is what made some people say that love is not only caused by physical beauty, and the lack of physical beauty does not mean that there can be no love; rather it is similarity between souls and similarity in their characteristics which are created in them that matter.
The reality of love is that it is like a mirror in which the lover sees his characteristics and kindness in the image of the one he loves, so in reality he loves nothing but himself and his characteristics and the one who has similar characteristics.
Hence noble, pure and sublime souls love the characteristics of perfection in particular, so the dearest things to them are knowledge, bravery, dignity, generosity, kindness, patience and steadfastness, because these characteristics are compatible with the essence of these souls, unlike base and mean souls, which are far away from loving these characteristics. Many people are motivated to be generous and kind because of their extreme love for these characteristics and the pleasure they find in doing these things, to such an extent that al-Ma’moon said:
Forgiveness was made so dear to me that I am afraid that I will not be rewarded for it.
And it was said to Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him):
Did you acquire this knowledge for the sake of Allaah? He said: To do something for the sake of Allaah is very rare, but it was something made dear to me, so I did it.
Someone else said: I rejoice in giving and enjoy it far more than the one who takes from me rejoices in what he takes.
With regard to the lovers of knowledge, their love for knowledge is greater than the love of anyone else or anything else. Many of them will not be distracted from it by the most beautiful of human images.
Our Shaykh – meaning Ibn Taymiyah – told me:
“I felt sick and the doctor said to me: Your reading and discussing issues of knowledge is making your sickness worse. I said to him: I cannot stay away from that, and I shall discuss the issue on the basis of your (medical) knowledge. Is it not the case that when the soul feels joy, this gives strength to the body and wards off disease? He said yes. I said: Then my soul feels happy with knowledge and thus my body becomes stronger and this helps me to recover. He said: This is not part of our treatment, or words to that effect.”
If the love relationship is based on similarity and harmony, then it will be reinforced and become stronger, and nothing could remove it except something stronger than the cause of it, and if it is not based on similarity and harmony, then it is no more than love for a reason, which will disappear when the reason disappears.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated in his Musnad the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her):
A woman used to go to Quraysh and make them laugh. She came to Madeenah and stayed with a woman who also made people laugh. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: With whom is So and so staying? She said: With So and so, who makes people laugh. He said: “Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.” The original version of this hadeeth is in al-Saheeh.
If you look at creation, you will hardly find any two people who love one another except that there is some similarity between them or they have something in common with regard to deeds, characteristics or goals. If the goals, characteristics, deeds or ways differ, there can only be aversion and distance between their hearts. It is sufficient to note the saheeh hadeeth from the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him):
“The believers, in their mutual mercy, love and compassion, are like a (single) body; if one part of it feels pain, the rest of the body will join it in staying awake and suffering fever.”
[Rawdat al-Muhibbin wa-Nuzhat al-Mustaqin by Ibn al Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, 66-74]
Ā’ishah (radiAllaahu ‘anha) narrated:
“I saw Allāh’s Messenger (ﷺ) standing at the doorstep of my room while the Ethiopians were playing with their spears in the mosque. Allāh’s Messenger (ﷺ) was hiding me with his Rida’ so as to enable me to see their play. I watched (that display) and kept on watching till I left on my own.” 
Haven’t you seen the prophetic manner how he related with his wife?
وَمِنَ اللَّيْلِ فَاسْجُدْ لَهُ وَسَبِّحْهُ لَيْلًا طَوِيلًا
“Verily, in this is an instructive admonition for whosoever fears Allāh.”
(Surah An-Nāzi’āt 79:26)
This kind of affection from the Prophet was not peculiar with Ā’ishah; rather, all the wives of the Prophet had their own share of his affection even though there are certain things with which she is distinguished because of her age which she made clear by herself (رضي الله عنها).
1. Sahīh: Recorded in the two Sahīhs.
[Source: Men and Women Around the Messenger by Sa’d Yusuf Abu ‘Aziz, p. 575]